Children are like sponges.
And I don't mean the kind that live in a pineapple under the sea.
No, what I mean is that they are porous. They are just waiting to soak up every little bit of information.
Oh, and they are super curious. They like to ask a million questions. One right after the other until they know "what" and "why."
As a parent, you are their NUMBER ONE source of information.
Let me say (cough, cough - type) that again.
You. are. their. NUMBER ONE. source. of. information.
From that first moment you held that cutie in your arms, you became their own personal walking, talking Google. (or encyclopedia if you prefer)
*There are essentially four different ways children learn.
1. Visual - through seeing it
2. Auditory - through hearing/saying it
3. Literate - through reading/writing it
4. Kinesthetic - through doing it
Even before kids go to school, they are learning every single day through what they see and hear from you.
That's when they start to repeat. Whether it is repeating behavior they picked up (from you or others) or repeating words (that's how kids learn to speak).
So, I want you to take a second and think of what your kid(s) see and hear from you on a daily basis.
Just think.
Are you proud or maybe stressed out now?
Don't freak out! Take a deep breath and keep reading.
So, this is where "role model parenting" comes in to play.
It seems pretty self-explanatory, but it is essentially just parenting in a way that you are "modeling" behaviors and experiences you want to pass down and teach your children.
Let's look at some tips and examples.
Tip #1: Be Aware/Practice Mindfulness
This one takes some practice, but being aware and mindful of your own behavior and language will make "role model parenting" go a little more smoothly.
By being aware, you can catch yourself before you slip up saying a 4 letter word you don't want your child to repeat.
Or even catching yourself before you yell at your spouse or child in anger.
Tip #2: Affection
Some of the earliest studies show a positive correlation between affection from parents and their children.
Even from birth, it is said to be beneficial to "bond" with your baby through different ways including skin to skin contact.
This bonding can then turn into attachment which research has shown can affect the outcome of how the child interacts with people in the future.
However, affection can come in a variety of forms not just through physical contact.
Also, I believe it is important to note that when I say affection I don't just mean between you and your child. I am also talking about between you and those you love and care about around you like your partner.
Tip #3: Relationships
Relationships are something we all experience whether they be romantic, platonic, or familial.
How we view the people closest to us and their relationships (especially from a young age) can shape our view and expectations of what these relationships are supposed to look like.
Regardless of whether you are married, separated, divorced, single, widowed, an unmarried couple, same-sex couple, etc. how you treat your relationships can affect your child and their views.
Something that can have a negative consequence is how you discuss your child's biological father/mother. Remember, your child is half you and half of their other parent.
So, be mindful of what you say about their mother/father in front of your child because they might internalize that in a negative way. It could potentially affect their view self view.
These are just some basic tips, but the next time you wonder why your kid is acting like they were raised in a barn or by a pack of wolves, do some self-reflection and see how you may be playing a role.
And remember, there is no "official guide book" on how to be a parent. Most of parenting is trial or error. So be kind and patient with yourself, whether it is your first child or you've done this dance once or twice, because not all kids are the same.
If you want some assistance with tools or skills that you can add to your parenting tool belt in hopes of assisting your child in being respectful, cooperative, etc. Reach out to me and let's see in what ways I can help!
This was written by Kendal Gerrity, M.S. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Metamorphosis Therapeutic Counseling, LLC. She offers individual, family, and group counseling. Contact her today for a free phone consultation. (256) 631-7898
*The National Academic Press - How People Learn: Brain, Mind, Experience, and School - Chapter 4: How Children Learn, 2000
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