*Names have been changed for anonymity purposes.*
Have you ever ridden on a roller coaster? I have, and I am one of those people who are TERRIFIED of roller coasters. Or at least until I actually go on one.
For me, if I can do it once, then I’m good and see that there is nothing to be afraid of and get excited for the next time.
Relationships are like roller coasters, especially of the romantic variety.
It’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time.
You get on and get strapped in and are just a bundle of nerves, anxiously waiting for the ride of your life.
But just like with roller coasters, relationships have their fair share of ups and downs.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but that doesn’t mean that relationships can’t be happy and full of love.
Now, I could sit here and tell you my tips on a happier relationship, but what works for me might not work for you.
So, I interviewed five different couples and wanted to see what their tips are for a happier relationship.
Not everything works the same for everyone, but it’s always nice to get a different perspective.
Here are these couple’s top 5 tips for a happier relationship!
TIP #1: COMMUNICATION
Karla: “Now, I know it sounds super cliché, but communication is an essential part of any relationship. Some might say I communicate too much, i.e., I talk a lot, but it isn’t just about talking. You have to figure out the right way to have a conversation with your spouse in a respectful manner that still gets your point across. With Steven, it helps if I use ‘I’ statements instead of saying ‘you, you, you!’ That way I am expressing myself without sounding like I am accusing him or being judgmental.”
Steve: “I’m not very good at communicating. It is something I definitely have to work at, and it’s always an ‘easier said than done’ type of thing. I will say that I can tell a difference in my relationship with Karla when I can communicate more effectively.”
TIP #2: SURPRISES
Sarah: “I personally really enjoy the little things. Now don’t get me wrong, if my husband wanted to surprise me with tickets to Paris I would be ecstatic! But, the small gestures are what makes my heart really happy. Just last week he went to pick up something from the grocery store and came home with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. He said that he saw them and ‘knew how much I loved flowers and wanted to see me smile.’ That $8 gesture made me happier than any $100 bouquet on Valentine’s day. Just knowing that he thought of me on a regular day makes me happy.”
Tyler: “I work a lot, and it’s been that way for a long time. Since I’ve been at the office so much, I haven’t really had time to spend with Sarah. Sometimes in the past, she has picked up my favorite food from one of our favorite restaurants and brought it to me on my lunch break. She has always been thoughtful that way. Her + food = happy.”
TIP #3: MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER
Sam: “Between our work demands and the kids it sometimes feels like we are more roommates than partners. I mean we see each other at night, and we sleep in the same bed, but we hardly get some quality time together. To rectify this, we have date night each week. Just the two of us. We usually do something outside of the house like dinner and a movie. I always feel so much better after our date night. It’s like recharging the batteries of our relationship.”
Alex: “Besides our weekly date night I always make an effort to ask my partner about what is going on with them outside of work and kids. Sometimes it seems like that’s all we talk about, but I make sure Sam knows that I want to hear all of about what’s going on not just the stressful stuff. Sometimes we talk about us and how we can spend more time together throughout the week or by planning vacations for the future.”
TIP #4: INTIMACY
A good portion of the time when people hear the word “intimacy” they immediately think of sex. Intimacy does NOT always equal sex. It comes in many different shapes and forms and can depend on the person.
Rob: “For the longest time I never knew what intimacy really meant. I just assumed it was a nicer way of saying ‘sex.’ But when I realized that intimacy just meant the moments when you feel the closest to someone, I was able to pinpoint when I feel the most intimate with Tara. I do feel very close to her when we are having sex, but I’ve noticed that I feel the closest to her right before when she initiates the physical contact. After being in a relationship for 20+ years, it’s really nice to know that she still wants me and finds me attractive.”
Tara: “Intimacy for me is really important. I love that feeling of being close to Rob emotional, physically, and mentally. I think when I feel that intimacy between us are the small physical gestures. This can range from him holding my hand in public, cuddling, having his hand on my lower back when he guides me through the door, and many others. I don’t know. I just like feeling like he has to have physical contact with me even when it isn’t necessarily sexual.”
TIP #5: DON’T TAKE YOURSELVES TO SERIOUSLY
John: “One of the main things that drew me to Jane was her level of silliness. From day one she has had me on my toes and almost constantly laughing. Apparently, she had been on Pinterest one day and saw where this wife left her husband a note and a Super Soaker telling him to find her. Well, I came home to a note on the door and a Nerf gun. We laughed so hard that day trying to find each other that we were crying. One of the best days.”
Jane: “John and I have this inside joke of sorts where we try to one-up each other with ‘Dad’ jokes. You know those jokes that are so bad they are good? Yeah, those. At night before bed, we have to tell each other a joke, and I have to say his are actually funny. Mine not so much, but I like that we are able to just play around and joke with each other.”
Just remember, that not everything works for everyone.
So these tips are not the end all be all, but maybe there is a tip in here you never thought about trying!
If someone asked you for your tip on a happier relationship, what would you say?
This was written by Kendal Gerrity, M.S. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Metamorphosis Therapeutic Counseling, LLC. She offers individual, family, and group counseling. Contact her today for a free phone consultation. (256) 631-7898
留言